March 27th, 2008: She who strives, drives.


Friends and family and Life: written | 13 Comments »

Long ago, in the days of Greymatter and *.cgi files, I once griped about getting my permit or  more specifically – the golden ticket that legally allows me to operate a car while not knowing shit about it. I whined about there not being any Driver’s Ed classes in any High School within 50 miles of this place; I bellyached about the long ongoing race between my mom and me – because clearly I was going to be the one driving first. I really just made the hugest scene about it. Of course it’s not really necessary for a New Yorker to own a car, not with all the mediums of transportation available and especially not when at the time I was within walking distance of most everything I needed. Except for the movie theatre, where it never hurts to not have to wait in the rain for a cab. This, of course, is not the point.

The point is: I wanted it. And the grand preface was for me to officially announce that I got it! Finally! And not recently either! Oh no. It’s been sitting in my wallet, where I keep all my other cards with the bad mug shots. But I do remember mentioning I was going for it, and being true to my own procrastination, I never followed up.  I did get it though, with only one question wrong on the test. And I’ll gloat about that shit, because I’m almost certain that New York is one of the hardest places to pass any test pertaining to driving.

Am I hell on wheels yet? No. And boy, I have tried. Spent a few Saturdays meandering around with my friend Ree – shopping for whatever – and actually bumped into my aunt and cousin. They have a car that they very rarely use.

It’s a huge SUV, people - Another one of my dreams from my Greymatter days that haven’t been forgotten. I wanted in. I wanted in badly.

When I told them about my permit, they congratulated me. And when I asked them to teach me how to drive – You know, because we never spend any time together, and all – They laughed. They laughed at me. And they kept laughing all the way to a car that I couldn’t see from where I was standing with my mouth hanging open, and therefore couldn’t follow. I was not discouraged. I kept asking around, and to no avail. This was not a free-of –charge favor I was asking for! I would’ve foot the bill for gas and gave nice gratuities had someone said they were going to teach me and followed through.

So, my beloved best and I have been busy. Her daughter – who, by the way, suffers from Advanced Cuteness – just hit the Big 3. Helping with the set up, attending, being the jungle gym for all the little party goers, and helping with the clean up in between everything else going on would naturally be chaos. I did squeeze in a little networking, though: My dear friends Erica and her husband have tentatively agreed to teach me, and so did Ree’s mom, once the spring comes and brings all the gorgeous weather. Or at least when I’m sure it’s not going to fucking snow.  I don’t trust March at all, which is great since it’s almost over. Wish me luck; my grand plan depends of me knowing how to operate a vehicle.

Thank You: JC Shannon Sara Cher RRC Shanice Theresa lacey Laura Lauren

March 4th, 2008: eIntegrity: Is there such a thing?


Rants and raves, Insights and Life: written | 18 Comments »

I was speaking to a close friend of mine, which would normally be like any other day except I was listening to the retelling of online drama with someone he thought was his friend. I listened intently. Though I will rarely entertain the drama created by those who, for whatever reason, decide that online beef is their cup of tea, I didn’t mind allowing him to go over the details. As I’m hearing the ins and outs of the situation – all the while giving my input – I couldn’t help wondering about the code for eFriendships. And by code, I mean the code of conduct that I always thought was unspoken but now seem completely unknown because a lot of people don’t quite get it.

The fact is we are all people. Whether we choose to disclose our identity, show our faces, or speak our true voices is obviously up to each individual. The underlying constant is that we’re people – Right? We’re people with feelings, opinions, lives, various groups of friends and so on. We’ve all encountered someone online that we’ve connected with in some way; we value their opinions, and to various degrees we also trust them. And yes, that’s where the eFriendship title comes in. And I only use that title to differentiate the online interaction from what we have in our everyday lives.

So – What’s the code of conduct? And more importantly, how much integrity is someone expected to uphold online? I mean, integrity should exist between friends – all friends. Many people will say their word is their bond, no? Well, on the Internet that’s all we have – our words. Yes, we can give a visual representation of who we are. But that’s not going to tell someone how you slept the night before or what your plans are for the day. We – the writers, the bloggers – know this very well. We thrive on the expression of others and, though it’s not something that’s going to be readily admitted, we want, if not need that interaction. Otherwise we’d all have paper journals alone. But what else does that mean? Don’t we have to have a bit of trust in everyone that we come in contact with? Aren’t there expectations that come from chatting with someone online? And I’m not talking in a chat room. I’m talking about communities, where people project an image, a personality, and participate in constant interaction. We generally accept that when someone tells you something about themselves in a medium such as this, that it’s the truth. Not because we blindly take things at face value, but because we’re not given any reason to think otherwise, outside of common sense and precautionary measures that everyone should take when it comes to the information they share. It’s the same kind of trust that you invest into someone you meet in person for the first time. If you ask them something about themselves, we don’t like to entertain the idea that the first response we get is a lie. As we learn more about someone, we decide how much we’re going to share with them, and that builds trust.

So it’s safe to say that friendships are friendships, no matter what the form of communication is. The “it’s just the Internet,” line gets no play here. We’re not talking about the Internet, we’re talking about people. And in offline friendships, if someone says something to you in confidence, then a good friend won’t break that confidence by speaking on it. I’d like to think that rule would overflow on to the Internet just because either it’s your nature to behave a certain way or its not. Granted, I give a certain amount of respect to those I consider friends and I expect at least that much in return.

I pose all of these questions because I’ve seen people who are supposed to be friends do unthinkable things to each other - the types of things that movies are made of, people. They badmouth each other, air their dirty laundry, hide behind fake names and betray each other. But then, given the right amount of time, and all is forgotten until another incident happens and then all the baggage comes to the surface. Meanwhile, there are friends who exist off the Internet who can’t even end on peaceful terms after similar events, let alone reinstate their relationship and act like nothing happened. Isn’t the trust gone after situations like that? When does the behavior become unacceptable? When does ruining the trust between friends warrant the same social consequences that it would offline?

And finally, are we really held to the same level of probity that we try to uphold in our offline lives? I know there are many shades of gray to all the things I’ve touched on – we know there are no absolutes. Still, what are your thoughts on Internet integrity?

I don’t usually write entries like this, but there’s a good chance this might not be the last.

So let me end with this: Uphold your moral code people, if you even have one. No, you don’t have to take the Internet super-seriously, and no – you don’t have to invest an obscene amount of time into making bonds with the online people of your choice. But if you’re going to present yourself online and participate to the point of creating a friendship with someone, learn how to carry yourself. The Internet is not an excuse to be shitty people.

Thank You: lacey Erik Pim Heather Shannon jane. Tashina Tara Shanice Miss April Joy

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