March 4th, 2008: eIntegrity: Is there such a thing?
I was speaking to a close friend of mine, which would normally be like any other day except I was listening to the retelling of online drama with someone he thought was his friend. I listened intently. Though I will rarely entertain the drama created by those who, for whatever reason, decide that online beef is their cup of tea, I didn’t mind allowing him to go over the details. As I’m hearing the ins and outs of the situation – all the while giving my input – I couldn’t help wondering about the code for eFriendships. And by code, I mean the code of conduct that I always thought was unspoken but now seem completely unknown because a lot of people don’t quite get it.
The fact is we are all people. Whether we choose to disclose our identity, show our faces, or speak our true voices is obviously up to each individual. The underlying constant is that we’re people – Right? We’re people with feelings, opinions, lives, various groups of friends and so on. We’ve all encountered someone online that we’ve connected with in some way; we value their opinions, and to various degrees we also trust them. And yes, that’s where the eFriendship title comes in. And I only use that title to differentiate the online interaction from what we have in our everyday lives.
So – What’s the code of conduct? And more importantly, how much integrity is someone expected to uphold online? I mean, integrity should exist between friends – all friends. Many people will say their word is their bond, no? Well, on the Internet that’s all we have – our words. Yes, we can give a visual representation of who we are. But that’s not going to tell someone how you slept the night before or what your plans are for the day. We – the writers, the bloggers – know this very well. We thrive on the expression of others and, though it’s not something that’s going to be readily admitted, we want, if not need that interaction. Otherwise we’d all have paper journals alone. But what else does that mean? Don’t we have to have a bit of trust in everyone that we come in contact with? Aren’t there expectations that come from chatting with someone online? And I’m not talking in a chat room. I’m talking about communities, where people project an image, a personality, and participate in constant interaction. We generally accept that when someone tells you something about themselves in a medium such as this, that it’s the truth. Not because we blindly take things at face value, but because we’re not given any reason to think otherwise, outside of common sense and precautionary measures that everyone should take when it comes to the information they share. It’s the same kind of trust that you invest into someone you meet in person for the first time. If you ask them something about themselves, we don’t like to entertain the idea that the first response we get is a lie. As we learn more about someone, we decide how much we’re going to share with them, and that builds trust.
So it’s safe to say that friendships are friendships, no matter what the form of communication is. The “it’s just the Internet,” line gets no play here. We’re not talking about the Internet, we’re talking about people. And in offline friendships, if someone says something to you in confidence, then a good friend won’t break that confidence by speaking on it. I’d like to think that rule would overflow on to the Internet just because either it’s your nature to behave a certain way or its not. Granted, I give a certain amount of respect to those I consider friends and I expect at least that much in return.
I pose all of these questions because I’ve seen people who are supposed to be friends do unthinkable things to each other - the types of things that movies are made of, people. They badmouth each other, air their dirty laundry, hide behind fake names and betray each other. But then, given the right amount of time, and all is forgotten until another incident happens and then all the baggage comes to the surface. Meanwhile, there are friends who exist off the Internet who can’t even end on peaceful terms after similar events, let alone reinstate their relationship and act like nothing happened. Isn’t the trust gone after situations like that? When does the behavior become unacceptable? When does ruining the trust between friends warrant the same social consequences that it would offline?
And finally, are we really held to the same level of probity that we try to uphold in our offline lives? I know there are many shades of gray to all the things I’ve touched on – we know there are no absolutes. Still, what are your thoughts on Internet integrity?
I don’t usually write entries like this, but there’s a good chance this might not be the last.
So let me end with this: Uphold your moral code people, if you even have one. No, you don’t have to take the Internet super-seriously, and no – you don’t have to invest an obscene amount of time into making bonds with the online people of your choice. But if you’re going to present yourself online and participate to the point of creating a friendship with someone, learn how to carry yourself. The Internet is not an excuse to be shitty people.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 4th, 2008 at 7:21 am and is filed under Rants and raves, Insights and Life: written. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.18 Responses to “eIntegrity: Is there such a thing?”
Leave a Reply
Little Lady
PS: I'm aware my site looks a mess in Firefox - working on it!
Loves
- Her Intellect
- Jules in Color
- Herro
- Superficial
- Turbo Geek
- Blood Spit
- Espoir
- Roracentric
- Ditz Revolution
- Francis Rowena
- Ohcean
- Her Heart
- Lana Kai
- Intricate Life
- View all?
Journal
Archives
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
Categories
- Friends and family (6)
- Insights (13)
- Internet (4)
- Life: written (70)
- Photography (5)
- Rants and raves (7)
- Social Foolery (13)
Extra
hear hear!
omg i should be in bed 
I agree. Have a few online friends in whom I really trust. The rest are just acquaintances. And to me, what you said always holds true. Friendship = Friendship. Period. The medium is of no import.
A lot of my online friends come to me for advice or a proverbial shoulder or listening ear. I’m always there as much as I can be just as I would an offline friend. It’s just how it should be.
Sure, I’ve had my dealings with the liars and backstabbers and the like, but no amount of malice and deceit from without can break the bonds of true friendship.
I’m so sorry for that! Your link is up! Your smilies & icons are so amazing, keep it up.
Well said! I agree. This is why my LJ friends list is so small. So few I can trust. At least the online world has been a TINY bit better to me than the real world as far as friends go, but I guess they don’t get a chance to stand me up and be late!
I most certainly agree with everything you have stated! I think the most important thing to always remember is to be yourself, no matter what form of communication you choose to partake in. The internet gives people the opportunity to hide who they truly are because there is no one online to witness their true personalities in the flesh. I believe that it’s a sort of way for them to express themselves without the physical consequences. Most of the time, people like this often have some kind of personal problems and their only way to vent is to take their anger out on people that they will most likely never see.
I hear what your saying beef patty but I think it can only work that way (to look at it as a real and ACTUAL friendship) if both parties feel that way & are honest with one another. truth be told we don’t know more then what the other person tells us, the same with a friend u make in the park but it’s a bit easier to get over on people when there’s so many miles & the internet involved.
I called you the other day ho!
I agree with a lot of what you said. It seems like there are definite social circles online and you develop friendships with those people. I think that a lot of people forget that the basic courtesy you would show someone offline, friend or not, should still exist online. Not to mention all the basic rules of friendship.
Agree. Friendship = Friendship, regardless of it being online or offline. I mean, sure I know I’m probably better friends with the ones I’m able to meet face to face, but that doesn’t give me the right to treat my online friends as some scumbags. That’s just wrong! And I have plenty of good online friends, and I cherish them just as I do with my offline friends.
I think there eIntegrity should exist. Whether you have friends over the internet or our real lives, I still think is important to be a good friend. It doesn’t matter where the friendship started because if it can potentially become more than just a inet friendship it is important to maintain a level of trust. Just because its possible to hide behind a computer screen doesn’t excuse stupid behaviors.
“The Internet is not an excuse to be shitty people.” And I agree.
I agree, you have to be careful about what you put online because it is a small small world, much smaller than people think. When you are going into the workforce and corporate world many companies do a background check on you via the internet and what you have posted on the internet.
I agree. People do have to becareful what they put online. I have a few online friends. Don’t really trust a lot of people whether it be online or offline. I think it is pretty stupid for online drama. I see it everywhere. Or awhile back I was friends with someone and I linked their site. I get an email from another affiliate and they were saying something of this nature I’m sorry I will have to take off your link on our site because we have drama with one of your affiliates. That is really gay. lol.
[…] reading some blogs today (omg, who does that anymore?!), and came across dear Dee’s view on internet friendships. Dee baby, you’re on the money. Another thing I see so frequently on the internet is that one […]
I think that life online is the same as life offline. You meet people. You don’t know them at first but you get to know them or what they pretend to be to you but it’s up to you to see past the bullshit. You have associates online and you have associates offline. My friends online are my friends offline. When I get offline I carry them with me. We text, we converse, we do all that. They visit me or I visit them. It’s no biggie to me because that’s life. You meet people. You get to know people and you become attached. There is no big difference between offline and online to me besides the obvious being that you’re on the computer. I don’t see why people are so scared of giving out their real name or cities/states that they live in. I never saw the big deal LOL the same thing because someone can screw you over offline just the same as online.
I never kept up with an paper journal and I like the fact that online people can always respond to what I say.
Hello,
I like your side very much.
This was everything what I wanted to say/write.
A lot of luck and fun, bye.
This comment belongs in the guestbook.
Thanks for the smilies
This comment belongs in the guestbook.
I completely agree with the fact that trust and integrity should be a part of a person whether it’s online or offline. If someone proves themselves untrustworthy online then it’s probably safe to assume that they wouldn’t be trustworthy offline either.
Unfortunately, many people are not reliable in that way or any other. While putting up a front of honesty and dependability they will turn right around and air YOUR issues while keeping theirs to themselves I don’t trust anyone, simply because it’s impossible to know who to trust until they’ve proven themselves. In order to prove themselves, you have to give them the type of power it would take to prove, not power that I hand out freely. I wouldn’t tell a single person anything that I wouldn’t be willing to get up on a stage and shout out to the world. I just assume that if I tell one, all will know.
It’s sad that it has to be this way, but it is true. On the internet more so simply because it’s easier for other to disconnect from the natural bond that people pick up by doing basic things like shaking hands or looking into each others eyes.
hi! i stumbled upon here via jules’ link.. and i couldn’t leave without commenting because i completely agree with you. i couldn’t have said it any better!
“So it’s safe to say that friendships are friendships, no matter what the form of communication is. The “it’s just the Internet,” line gets no play here.”
^i love that!