April 15th, 2009: She has embraced her shame.


Insights | 26 Comments »

After a bit of site mishap, I’ve seemed to have gotten things up and running again.

This is a sign that I need more than a new layout. This would be the first time in five years that my site has just been…down. Down, down, down. For a long time. So the long overhaul that I’ve been neglecting/avoiding? Yeah, that’s coming as soon as possible.

Then, I shall post.

Thank you everyone for the emails, comments (and even the snail mail).  I’m not going anywhere, it seems.

Thank You: Ai~ Sage (Shannon) Mel Honey Tara Jess orthopedic dog bed Shanice forex formula suction cup grab bars

March 4th, 2008: eIntegrity: Is there such a thing?


Rants and raves, Insights and Life: written | 18 Comments »

I was speaking to a close friend of mine, which would normally be like any other day except I was listening to the retelling of online drama with someone he thought was his friend. I listened intently. Though I will rarely entertain the drama created by those who, for whatever reason, decide that online beef is their cup of tea, I didn’t mind allowing him to go over the details. As I’m hearing the ins and outs of the situation – all the while giving my input – I couldn’t help wondering about the code for eFriendships. And by code, I mean the code of conduct that I always thought was unspoken but now seem completely unknown because a lot of people don’t quite get it.

The fact is we are all people. Whether we choose to disclose our identity, show our faces, or speak our true voices is obviously up to each individual. The underlying constant is that we’re people – Right? We’re people with feelings, opinions, lives, various groups of friends and so on. We’ve all encountered someone online that we’ve connected with in some way; we value their opinions, and to various degrees we also trust them. And yes, that’s where the eFriendship title comes in. And I only use that title to differentiate the online interaction from what we have in our everyday lives.

So – What’s the code of conduct? And more importantly, how much integrity is someone expected to uphold online? I mean, integrity should exist between friends – all friends. Many people will say their word is their bond, no? Well, on the Internet that’s all we have – our words. Yes, we can give a visual representation of who we are. But that’s not going to tell someone how you slept the night before or what your plans are for the day. We – the writers, the bloggers – know this very well. We thrive on the expression of others and, though it’s not something that’s going to be readily admitted, we want, if not need that interaction. Otherwise we’d all have paper journals alone. But what else does that mean? Don’t we have to have a bit of trust in everyone that we come in contact with? Aren’t there expectations that come from chatting with someone online? And I’m not talking in a chat room. I’m talking about communities, where people project an image, a personality, and participate in constant interaction. We generally accept that when someone tells you something about themselves in a medium such as this, that it’s the truth. Not because we blindly take things at face value, but because we’re not given any reason to think otherwise, outside of common sense and precautionary measures that everyone should take when it comes to the information they share. It’s the same kind of trust that you invest into someone you meet in person for the first time. If you ask them something about themselves, we don’t like to entertain the idea that the first response we get is a lie. As we learn more about someone, we decide how much we’re going to share with them, and that builds trust.

So it’s safe to say that friendships are friendships, no matter what the form of communication is. The “it’s just the Internet,” line gets no play here. We’re not talking about the Internet, we’re talking about people. And in offline friendships, if someone says something to you in confidence, then a good friend won’t break that confidence by speaking on it. I’d like to think that rule would overflow on to the Internet just because either it’s your nature to behave a certain way or its not. Granted, I give a certain amount of respect to those I consider friends and I expect at least that much in return.

I pose all of these questions because I’ve seen people who are supposed to be friends do unthinkable things to each other - the types of things that movies are made of, people. They badmouth each other, air their dirty laundry, hide behind fake names and betray each other. But then, given the right amount of time, and all is forgotten until another incident happens and then all the baggage comes to the surface. Meanwhile, there are friends who exist off the Internet who can’t even end on peaceful terms after similar events, let alone reinstate their relationship and act like nothing happened. Isn’t the trust gone after situations like that? When does the behavior become unacceptable? When does ruining the trust between friends warrant the same social consequences that it would offline?

And finally, are we really held to the same level of probity that we try to uphold in our offline lives? I know there are many shades of gray to all the things I’ve touched on – we know there are no absolutes. Still, what are your thoughts on Internet integrity?

I don’t usually write entries like this, but there’s a good chance this might not be the last.

So let me end with this: Uphold your moral code people, if you even have one. No, you don’t have to take the Internet super-seriously, and no – you don’t have to invest an obscene amount of time into making bonds with the online people of your choice. But if you’re going to present yourself online and participate to the point of creating a friendship with someone, learn how to carry yourself. The Internet is not an excuse to be shitty people.

Thank You: lacey Erik Pim Heather Shannon jane. Tashina Tara Shanice Miss April Joy

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